Everyone has a bucket list, to be fair I have several. The standard ‘I want to do blah before I die’ kind of thing. I also have what I call my fat bird bucket list (it’s really more like a wish list).
To fit in a ‘normal’ chair – Squeezing into a chair is one of the most uncomfortable and embarrassing things a person can do. Trying to wedge yourself in is quite an art, and it really hurts. All the fat around your hips get pushed up and over the top or squeezed through any gaps. To avoid this, I usually check out the seating in a cafe or bar and, as a rule if the seats have arms I’ll move on to the next.
Not to use a seat belt extension – once you have squeezed yourself into the airplane seat the dreaded moment comes when you need to fasten the seat belt. You sit there holding in your tummy hoping that this time it might just fit, but it doesn’t. There is quite a knack of catching the eye of one of the cabin crew and indicating what you need, but that’s only the first bit. There are two different types of cabin crew, the first has a way of sensing your embarrassment and discretely hand the device to you, the second almost announces what they are giving you.
Laying fully submerged in a bath – There is nothing more relaxing than laying in a hot bubble bath with candles burning and a glass of wine. The thought is a little better than the reality. When I get in the bath I trigger a miniature tsunami, then I act as a human dam creating small reservoirs.
Shop in a standard size shop – I have always hated cloths shopping on the high street. The main reason being that there are very few shops which stock bigger sizes (they are a lot better than they were). For me though it’s the look I get from some of the shop assistants. One day I went into a well know store and was polity advised ‘unfortunately we don’t stock your size’ my response was ‘I’m sorry I didn’t know handbags were size specific’. She quickly apologised.
Go on fairground rides – As a kid I loved the really big fairground rides, even now I am a bit of a speed freak. The only issue is I don’t fit behind the safety rails.
Lace up shoes – I have lace up shoes but at the moment fastening them is like a Krypton Factor puzzle. When you have big boobs, a fat belly and thunder thighs there is one thing you need…go go gadget arms.
Wear boots – I would love to wear boots over the winter, or even wellies. There is one issue, my calf’s are huge, even the specialist ones wont go round. Lets be honest though, when your legs have this much weight to support they need a fair bit of muscle to keep me upright.
Do a charity run or bike ride – I have so much admiration when I see people doing all these charity sporting events. At the moment just watching them leaves me out of breath.
Wear a skirt without feeling the burn – One of the most painful things you will ever come across is thigh burn from chaffing. It is like a fire raging between your legs,
Cross my legs – Sitting elegantly is something I’ve not been able to do for years. Even the ankle cross looks a fright.
loving life but lighter 